Fathers in College: Navigating Now for the Future
Ariel Ventura-Lazo
June 2024
Compared to many other fathers in postsecondary education, I have been truly privileged in my pursuit of a college degree. I’ve been blessed with abundant love, support, and community that fathers like me often struggle to find. In between school and working several jobs was the reason I was making it all happen—my children. My goal has always been to build a foundation upon which my children can flourish. My fatherhood experience has been a transformative journey of self-discovery, patience, and the importance of enjoying the moment.
Facing Barriers
It wasn’t always easy. Being a first-generation American with roots from El Salvador and being the first in my family to step foot on a college campus, I first enrolled in college feeling disconnected from many of my peers. When I returned to school five years later in the fall of 2014 as a student father, I felt the jarring pressure of proving to others that I was capable of chasing the “unrealistic dream” of earning a college degree while working multiple jobs and being an involved and loving father. The toughest scrutiny, unfortunately, came from within, because I also felt like it was an impossible feat at the time. Even if I could somehow find a perfect balance between juggling family and relying on financial aid while praying nothing went wrong, what would that do to my mental health as a student? What toll would it take on me as a father? What would it do to my psyche as a man?
The idea that I wouldn’t live up to society’s expectations was a constant battle that I fought for years. I was carrying the weight of my entire family (ancestors and descendants) depending on me to not simply give up and “give it the best you’ve got” but to overcome systemic inequalities and barriers in postsecondary education while battling the stigma of being a young father. Understanding that I could and would endure the student parent life for the unforeseeable future was my reality—just as it is for 1 in 5 students undergraduates today.
The Joys and Challenges of Being A Student Father
The joys that come with fatherhood were often the only treasures of the day that kept me going. When those trusting eyes would look up to me in the early mornings, I would remember that their entire existence relied on what I did that day, and I could not let them down no matter what. I take so much pride in teaching my children the value of education. In turn, they taught me the importance of patience and perseverance. On the harder days when we would go hungry or on the days when we would be on the brink of eviction, I would still dream of the beautiful day when I would walk across the graduation stage for them. Despite the numerous times when I thought my journey would end, be it for failed classes, financial obstacles, or the global pandemic, after nine years of perseverance, I finally earned the privilege to walk across the graduation stage with my children watching proudly at George Mason University in May of 2023.
Advice & Lessons Learned
For myself and many other student parents, so much can be said about what it took to get this far—to overcome doubt, fear, failures, mental health breakdowns, identity crisis, imposter syndrome and so much more. A lesson that helped nourish my personal growth as a father was to create memories with my children that will live with us forever. I learned to embrace my role as a student father with them, often showing them around campus giving them mini tours, and doing our homework together. Most importantly, you must learn to love and forgive yourself for having to set aside valuable time with your children to study, do homework, or leave them while you spend hours in class. Realize that you are earning an education that will reap long-term rewards while also teaching them to keep going and never give up on their dreams.
Some of the most valuable advice that I learned firsthand as a student father was to protect your mental health, celebrate the small wins, and never be embarrassed to struggle because there’s no shame in working hard to get where you want to be. You're in charge of your college experience, so allow yourself to accept help should you need it—it’s okay to not have it all figured out. Don’t compare yourself to others because we all carry different weights. Finally, be absolutely proud of yourself.
As I navigated this journey, I experienced systemic barriers first-hand and realized that there is a need for more family-friendly workplace policies and support systems that prioritize the unique needs of working fathers. Flexible work hours and paid parental leave are essential in enabling fathers to balance competing priorities effectively. There is a need for dedicated campus-funded offices or student-parent liaisons that should essentially create a community by fathers and for fathers, embedding within the fabric of each institution that fathers are welcome. Fatherhood representation on campus matters. By embracing the responsibilities of parenthood, navigating the complexities of balancing schoolwork and employment, and advocating for swift policy changes that support working fathers, we can create an inclusive and supportive environment for families to thrive.
Ariel Ventura-Lazo is an alum of the Generation Hope Scholar Program and a current Scholar Program Coordinator.
